My nephew LaLo pulled on my PJ shirt this weekend and told me I have a big belly. This is coming from the mouth of a 2 1/2 year old, so I didn’t break down and cry like I would have if someone older (you know, like 3 or 4) would have said the same thing.
But the truth hurts.
I’ve always been somewhat of a pear shape, but in the past year, I’ve added an apple to the middle of the pear and the upper section of the pear has gotten bigger. Even the very top of the pear–my head–has gained an extra chin or two. Or three.
I’ve been ignoring it for the most part. Sure, when I would step on the scale and see that I was only 5 pounds away from THAT NUMBER THAT I WILL NEVER REACH BECAUSE ONLY FAT PEOPLE WEIGH THAT MUCH, I would think “Wow, I need to get off my ass (literally) and do something about that.”
That was 2 months ago. I haven’t dared to step on the scale since. I know I’ve surpassed THAT NUMBER, because I can feel it. I get winded when I run up a flight of stairs (if you can call that running), I’m tired all of the time, and my clothes don’t fit very well or at all.
Something that OMSH wrote 6 weeks ago really affected me. She called me selfish and it hurt. She didn’t call me selfish personally because she doesn’t know me, but if she wants to, that would be probably help. The more people that I have smacking my hand as I reach for a cookie, the better. Because I’m thinking “one more won’t hurt.” But eventually one more WILL hurt.
I don’t have a medical condition that’s causing me to be overweight (and I’m still using the word “overweight” because the word “obese” scares me). I have nothing to blame, and no one to blame except for myself. I am chosing myself over everything and everyone else.
So today’s the day. I’m trying it again. Except that I didn’t get up when my alarm went off at 4:50 this morning and get my fat butt on the treadmill before getting ready for work. Oh, and I didn’t get on the scale this morning, either. Baby steps, right? I can do this–I’ve done it before. My problem is that I STOP doing it when I get to a weight/size that I feel more comfortable with. I don’t make a lifestyle change, I just go on a diet. And then I go off. And then I get disgusted and go back on.
So this time I need to make it a way of life. I don’t have the guts to post my weight on my blog like OMSH did, but I’m thinking that if I’m posting updates on here about my progress, at least I’ll have some incentive to continue on the right track.